US trade enjoyed an upbeat start to 2012 when new figures emerged putting the States back in the lead in one particular race for global supremacy. The US is now the world’s leading producer of statistics about China’s economy.
“People don’t think the USA makes things any more”, said a US trade representative, pausing for effect before adding, “But that’s where they’re wrong”.
Indeed, the new study has confirmed that the US has emerged as the leader among countries producing awe-inspiring facts and figures about the global powerhouse in the East.
Chances are, if you read a statistic about 4 in 5 toys being made in China (1 in 5 comes from Taiwan), or 94% of sex aids being made there, this statistic probably originated in the US. Stateside statisticians account for 80% of all figures in circulation about how big China’s economy is, and how fast it’s growing.
“In 2014, 80% of the internet will be in Chinese. Do you recognise that one? That’s one of mine”, said a smiling Zach Smart of large US data firm Analystics. “The average Chinese worker earns two dollars an hour making smartphones, whereas I can make two hundred dollars an hour writing reports on that same worker!” He continues; “We’ve really stolen a march on the Chinese, considering we are obtaining this information from under their very noses, and getting it to market faster than anyone else. We feel we’re reversing a trend.”
In all other respects, the US seems to have thrown in the towel on being bigger and better than the Chinese, being outgunned in every department – from the production of porn to corn, and even guns themselves, alarmingly. Still, adding the reassuring words ‘designed in California’ has restored some pride to a lot of US businesses.
“We’ll fight for our right to lead the world in telling everyone how huge China is” added Zach Smart. “We’ve built up so many facts and figures about the place, we don’t feel we can be caught any more. I mean, if you printed them out in a long line, they’re stretch all the way along the wall of… well, they’d be visible from space, that’s for sure”.